‘Look, can we all just focus on the poverty?’ says Brazil

it's only a game

Brazil has come out united in the fact that it’s the country’s disgraceful levels of poverty and inequality we should all really be focusing on.

Home to around 23,000 street children, plus 23 other men who were once thought to be able to kick a ball quite well, the country had decided it was best to spend millions of dollars on some giant fun-bowls with gift-shops added on in the hope of a fiscal boost. ‘Perhaps the people in Favelas would have been happier in their lives, waving a big Brazil flag and talking endlessly of Neymar,’ said Brazil’s president, Dilma Rousseff, ‘but they messed it up, and there go my chances of re-election.’

‘It’s the worst day of my life.’ said Luiz Felipe Scolari, a 65-year-old man of no particular note or importance in the lives of the average Brazilian, upon hearing that approximately a quarter of his country’s urban population live in favelas, bereft of adequate healthcare and sanitation, and subject to one of the highest murder-rates anywhere in the world.

‘I mean, most of these people have as much to spend on food each week as it might cost to buy, say, a small plastic trumpet.’ he added. ‘But hang on. Groups of them. Four at the back, four at the front and maybe two up front all playing trumpets. Tactically, yes, that might have helped? Noted for 2018!’

‘It’s just shocking. I’m devastated. We need to learn how to defend…’ said one young lady, tearfully cradling her head in her hands, too distraught to finish her sentence with the words ‘basic human rights’.

‘We’re well aware that roughly 1 in 5 people in Brazil currently live below the poverty line.’, said one clearly upset government official as he wept uncontrollably into a pile of Brazilian R$’s. ‘However,’ he continued, ‘we’re working hard to bring it down to… er, 1 in 7.’

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Posted: Jul 9th, 2014 by

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