The average length of a dog lead in the UK has now reached 50 yards, beating the previous best by around 7ft according to the latest Kennel Club report.
UK dog leads are among the longest in the world and, with annual sales topping £4bn, only S.Korea spends more money on making sure dogs are unable to escape or run off.
‘It’s a god-send,’ said rotund dog owner Bob Beesley, ‘this new elongated lead means my dog can poop outside at least another five more houses in our street and I don’t even have to move off the sofa. On Friday I sat outside Wetherspoons all day and little Boffa here was able to drop eggs outside every shop in the high street. Nobody had a clue he was mine. Ha!’
The report also revealed that if you tied all the dog leads in the UK together it would go round the world 14 times.
‘But that still wouldn’t be long enough for some f*cking dog owners,’ snarled a pedestrian, nursing a sprained ankle after his morning walk.