‘It’s a tough assignment’ said a spokesman for TV Licensing, speaking off the record.
‘The first obstacle is that we cannot pinpoint the plane using detector vans, not because it’s lying under 14,000 feet of Indian Ocean, but because we only have 6 used transit vans with TV Licensing painted on them and bugger all inside. It’s a total scam.
‘The biggest difficulty, however, is that we only ever target single working mothers with schoolchildren; we usually wait until about 5 o’clock, when we catch the kids watching TV after school, get them to turn the TV up a bit and then wait for Mum to come home before bullying her into signing a confession with threats of jail. We then pocket the commission. It’s money for old rope.
‘However, the passenger in question is in fact a 45 year old builder from Essex, so the chances are that our Enforcement Officer will come back to the office with a cement mixer up his arse.’