After many years of analysis, research and data collection, Ofsted has finally determined that the overall final achievement level of children in UK schools is entirely dependent on how clever they are.
‘We’re flabbergasted’, said a spokesman.’We definitely thought there was a major socio-political point to be made in relation to education, but no. Ultimately, clever kids do well and the thick ones end up with a collection of paper hats and a well honed rendition of ‘do you want fries with that’. The most horrific extrapolation is, of course, that we can’t blame Gove anymore. It simply doesn’t matter who sits in an office coming up with hare-brained schemes and policies, and no amount of poor quality teaching changes it. Clever = success, thick = abject failure. Bugger!’