British paedophiles have angrily refuted newspaper claims that their ranks may have been infiltrated by politicians.
‘We have some standards’, said one senior nonce. ‘Okay, in prison we’re regarded as the lowest of the low, and nobody wants to buy a house next to one of our members, but we’re not without morality. It’s a bit twisted, and we may destroy lives, but we do it one at a time – not on a societal level.’
‘I haven’t been able to sleep since these allegations started. What will my family think of me? I can’t leave my own home – kids have painted ‘MP scum’ on my front door.
A spokesman for British Paedo Association said that they would never have knowingly allowed politicians into the organisation. ‘A couple of PPI cold-callers got in once, but we chased them out with pitchforks.’
Kiddie-fiddlers have called for a register of MPs to be set up – known as Cyril’s Law – so that members of the public can readily identify the monster in their midst.