The government has announced plans to install enormous televisions in the streets of Britain’s town centres, streaming live footage from C.C.T.V. cameras. Following the popularity of the huge screens used at this summer’s World Cup in Brazil, David Cameron believes that this initiative will help to raise the ‘Happiness Index’ across the country.
‘We saw throughout the World Cup how fans in the depths of despair at the poor performance of their country were suddenly over-joyed at seeing their faces on a big screen.’ the Prime Minister commented today. ‘We believe that rolling out this concept throughout the United Kingdom will put smiles back onto the faces of Britons everywhere – however hopeless their situation may seem. We would also expect to see an increase in the wearing of ridiculous hats – and amazingly beautiful girls squeezed into unfeasibly tight Brazilian football shirts.’
The plans are to be piloted in the English towns of Dunstable and Hemel Hempstead, both of which are renowned for being especially dull and dreary. Government sources believe that this will provide the acid test for the whole scheme since any improvement in the happiness of inhabitants in these locations would prove a major break-through.
It is also hoped that the scheme will cut down on crime in Britain’s town centres as David Cameron explained: ‘The appeal of seeing one’s face on a huge television is so great that we anticipate a sharp decrease in anti-social behaviour – and muggings in particular. While the footage of any particular violent crime is being broadcast, the attacker will feel duty-bound to jump up and down ecstatically and alert his friends to the fact that he is on the big screen. This will ensure that a far higher percentage of victims have a chance to escape unharmed – or at least have the opportunity to see their faces on TV while they are being mugged.’
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