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Barry Hearn to spice up office jobs with entrance music and dancing girls

Who'd have thought something so dull could be made that interesting?A Bedford-based logistics company is working with renowned sports promoter Barry Hearn, in an attempt to make their office jobs more popular with the addition of loud music, rowdy live audiences and dancing girls.

The move was the idea of Managing Director Alan ‘The Big Boss’ Ball, who thinks Hearn’s track record of making a huge success of darts, and revolutionising snooker, makes him the ideal partner for his business.

‘Morale around the place seemed to be a bit low and we were struggling to attract quality staff.’ explained Mr Ball, while Snap’s hit single ‘I’ve got the power’ played in the background, ‘Barry’s previous achievements speak for themselves, and I decided he was the perfect man to turn this place around. I’m not too sure about his suggestion for a shorter format on Fridays though, taking some of the phones away and introducing a ‘Power Call’ that earns a bonus for whoever answers it.’

The business’ employees seem to be divided over the changes, with many enjoying being escorted into the building by two scantily clad women, accompanied by their own entrance music, but complaining that chanting from the live audience can be off-putting. Some ladies in the office are also claiming that being required to wear short skirts, and dance around every time somebody uses the shredder, actually constitutes sexual harassment. Most people in the company are keeping an open mind though.

‘There’s definitely a great atmosphere and a new energy around the place, and the crowd are generally quite good at keeping quiet while you’re on the phone.’ said Steve ‘The Bedford Bull’ Bennett from accounts, ‘I’m not sure I’m really comfortable with them cheering and holding up signs with the number 2 on when I come back from the toilet though. And nobody really wanted to see Mavis on reception wearing a mini skirt and a thong.’

‘One of the main downsides is if you’ve had a heavy night and are a bit late on a morning. It’s pretty much impossible to sneak in unnoticed when Eye of the Tiger is blaring over the PA system and you’re high-fiving everybody you walk past. It does nothing for your headache either.’

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Posted: Jul 23rd, 2014 by Vertically Challenged Giant

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