British television viewers have decided to abandon their TV sets this weekend, thereby missing the important new stories of plane crashes, Gaza and the imminent outbreak of World War Three. Instead they are going to concentrate on getting the barbecue working and drinking Pimms in the back garden.
‘It seems like the right thing to do’ said Lily from Clapham, south London. ‘There are lots of people worrying about the state of the world right now, and I think the best contribution we can make is to have too much to drink on the patio and eat a lot of barbecued chicken wings. If we can get a bit of a sun tan at the same time then so much the better.’
Friday evening had looked briefly like it might take a wrong turn, when one of Lily’s friends said ‘Isn’t the news awful at the moment?’ There was a murmur of agreement before a work colleague said ‘Ooh – is that Prosecco – do you mind if I open it?’ and an enjoyable night followed from there. A couple of hours later, another guest offered a possible solution to the Middle East problem, declaring ‘I don’t know why they can’t just sort it all out?’ This was greeted with some nervous nodding before another jug of Pimms was produced from the kitchen. Another guest said ‘They’re all as bad as each other…’ which was greeted with an awkward silence, in which a number of people thought this probably wasn’t right, but felt they didn’t really know enough about it to offer an opinion.
Elsewhere in the country viewers were turning off their television sets irritated by the turn of events on their screens. ‘We bought this fantastic big screen HD set for the World Cup and at first it was great’ said Brian from Norwich. ‘But now we are getting really horrific images from all over the world and I’m starting to get fed up with it. Roll on the start of the football season, that’s all I can say.’