Israel shuns peace deal in favour of a good PR firm

Mr Happy Tank wants you to come out and play

The Israeli Knesset has rejected the Gaza peace proposal put forward by US Secretary of State, John Kerry, in favour of a modest 12-hour truce – purposely designed to be long enough for Israeli soldiers to get a good night’s sleep, identify new targets and reload their missiles. A spokesman for Prime Minister Netanyahu has made it clear that what is really needed is a ‘…tabulated program of action to earn public understanding and acceptance’ codenamed ‘Turd Polish’.

Despite the international outcry, the Israel Defense Forces (IDF) are convinced that ‘upbeat propaganda’ will be more effective than a ceasefire. One soldier admitted being conflicted: ‘It’s not that we want to blatantly deceive, but saying we are bombing hospitals to reduce waiting lists feels like we are overstretching the truth. And I’m not convinced that shelling schools reduces truancy. If anything, it increases it.’

We asked a public relations expert what she thought: ‘Yes, since the conflict started, over 1000 Palestinians and 38 Israelis have died; but we just need to put a positive spin on it. For instance, more deaths means more space for the remaining people to happily coexist in the occupied territories. If we keep up with the shelling there will be no Gaza to argue over’.

Many in Jerusalem are confused as to why as a nation of refugees, and one of the few beacons of democracy and universal suffrage, they are not seen as ‘the good guys’. An IDF spokesman said: ‘It almost as if the incessant gunfire, widespread destruction and stench of death carries with it negative connotations. If anything, we are too soft. Twelve hours is more than long enough to bury your loved one. Seriously this is the Middle East, it’s not like we are trying to hurt anyone. People just need to relax more.’

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Posted: Jul 27th, 2014 by

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