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Queen to auction off some Commonwealth countries

The Queen has been having a clear out and will be putting some of the Commonwealth up for auction, Buckingham Palace has confirmed.

‘Her Majesty is the first to admit she’s a bit of a hoarder,’ said a Palace spokesman. ‘It wasn’t until she had to sit through the opening ceremony at the Commonwealth Games the other day that she realised she still had half these countries. They’re scattered all over the place, you know. We dust them off every couple of years for a Games or a summit or whatever but it turns out that afterwards they’re just going back into storage and being forgotten about.’

As the Queen doesn’t use most of them she would like them to go to someone who would get more benefit from them.

‘It’s difficult to know who’d bite our hand off for Lesotho or Nauru or Tuvalu,’ the Queen herself told reporters in an unusually frank interview after the Glasgow games opening ceremony. ‘There’s one here labelled “Brunei Darussalam”? Sounds like a Middle-Eastern bridge builder. Not that there are many of those left, if you receive one’s meaning.’

Thirty-one smaller states are earmarked to go immediately, and compulsive collectors such as Russia are already showing a keen interest.

‘Nobody in one’s family wants to take on the whole collection, you see,’ the Queen admitted. ‘We’ve even got something called a Belize. Sounds frightful. I suppose if nobody wants it we’ll just give it to little George to chew on while he’s teething.’

One particularly large lot, Australia, is expected to draw a lot of interest. ‘Now, I did used to use this thing,’ the Queen explained. ‘But it’s so big and difficult to maintain. And it’s not as environmentally friendly as it used to be.’

If the sale goes well, the monarch hinted she might get rid of more useless old assets in the autumn. ‘I’m thinking about downsizing actually,’ she revealed. ‘If all goes well I shall probably just move to Balmoral and stick England and Wales up on eBay in September. What do you think? No, I can’t decide either.’

IABP2, hattip to Crayon

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Posted: Aug 1st, 2014 by Guest

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