A national panic was triggered on Friday evening after a twenty-minute Facebook outage left millions of users unable to upload sepia-toned pictures of what they were having for tea. The downtime, which is the second the network has experienced in as many months, also left many unable to tag themselves in the airport, share even more photos of their dogs, or tell people that they’re waiting for a BT engineer to arrive.
42-year-old Sandra Hough from Birmingham, who religiously shares a photo of a bottle of Summer Fruits Kopparberg with the telly in the background on a Friday, was also left frustrated. ‘This is the one time of the week I get a few hours to relax and take several photos of my drink, but it’s totally meaningless if I’m unable to show the whole f***ing world. I haven’t spoken to these people for decades, but it’s imperative that they know when I’m trying to relax with an artificially flavoured cider’.
The health and fitness industry was also dealt a severe blow, as gyms and fitness classes across the country were left eerily empty for nearly half an hour. ‘Everybody knows that a workout in the gym is effectively pointless if you can’t tell every bastard about it’, said LA Fitness gym manager, Simon Thomas. ‘There were hundreds of people outside waiting to come in, but they were unable to do so until they were sure they could shove it in their friend’s faces with a status update and a hashtag’.
The disastrous loss of service has proven to be a stark reminder to the social media company that they must ensure their servers can avert such incidents in the future. ‘We’ve now added backup servers to ensure this will never happen again’, said Facebook CTO, Mike Schroepfer. ‘People who take photographs of their food are either really annoying or just f***ing mental, and we’re duty-bound to ensure they remain online and away from society’.