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Tropical disappointment Bertha heralds ‘return to normal’

Weather forecasters across the country are breathing a collective sigh of relief as ex-hurricane Bertha arrived in the UK to return the British summer to more familiar patterns. For the last three weeks, newscasters have been confidently announcing torrential rain and a ten-degree fall in temperatures ‘in the next few days’, only for glorious sunshine to thwart their predictions.

An uncharacteristically ratty Carol Kirkwood confirmed: ‘It has been very tiring over the last six weeks, finding new ways to say it is going to be nice. Everyone is exhausted with it.’ She and her fellow weather professionals are now released from the tyranny of the 3-boxes-of-Krispy-Kreme-doughnuts fine for anyone using the word ‘drought’ during a broadcast.

Members of the public are also glad the waiting is over. Paul from Pewsey admitted: ‘The suspense has been killing us. Our plans are thankfully disrupted in a way we are used to; plus we won’t have to endure Garry from No.18 strutting over here in his apron to ‘apologise in advance’ for the roasting meat smells coming from his behemoth gas-fired BBQ, ‘because he knows we are vegetarians. The bastard’.

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Posted: Aug 10th, 2014 by Squudge

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