‘To call that authentic fighting is shite,’ said 19-year-old Tracy Bingham. ‘There was no spitting or hair pulling, the words ‘you slag’ weren’t even shouted, and the only bloke present, who happened to be one of the judges, didn’t even have his knob out. How can you have a fight that doesn’t end in A&E?’
Police CCTV footage confirms that the regular early Sunday morning fights outside the Sunderland nightclub are far more energetic and participative than the events held in the ExCel arena, with Olympic fights being limited to only two entrants and having strict rules banning the waving of broken bottles and the wearing of knuckle dusters.
‘To even enter a fight without 22 Jaeger bombs and a couple of shags in the toilets smacks of poor preparation,’ said 16-year-old Samantha Gittins, also from Sunderland. ‘And the grotesque non-revealing outfits and the lack of tatoos just above the arse-line are a disgrace.’
But the London Olympics have nevertheless inspired the Sunderland teenagers to enter the 2016 games to be held in Rio. ‘It makes sense,’ said Samantha. ‘After all, we’re all big fans of Brazilians.’