The three-decade search for missing globetrotter and time traveller ‘Wally’ was finally called off today, after police discovered the remains of a man in a red and white stripey jumper in the early hours of this morning.
‘Wally was always a people kind of person’, said Detective Brady, who took over the case in the early nineties. ‘That’s why we asked the public to look for him in really crowded places’.
He continued: ‘He loved exotic beaches on faraway islands, the hustle and bustle of sprawling cities, and even the drama and excitement in some of the world’s most magnificent sports stadiums. Sadly we found him slumped over his cane in a disused coal bunker in Deptford. It looks as though drugs were involved.’