The 7.39 at Romford last night may prove to be a turning point in greyhound racing after Artful Dogger and Sly Rascal finally rumbled how racing works.
Speaking through a dog whisperer, Artful Dogger explained: “We’re intelligent animals, so I put my brain to it, and when the trap opened instead of tear-arsing round after the hare me and the lads slipped round the back of the traps to ambush the little furry sod when he arrived back at the start. Lot less effort. Sly went to town on him a bit, and it turned out he isn’t a real hare at all. We’ve been conned all these years.”
Disgruntled punters booed as the 7.57, 8.16 and 8.31 races all ended the same way.
“This is killing greyhound racing,” said track manager Kevin Nadger. “We’re going to have to try racing sheep instead. They’re not as quick across the ground but it’ll take them years to work out that the clump of grass going around the track at 20 miles per hour is actually plastic.”