New research by the Home Office suggests that Islamic State militants’ attempts to found a Caliphate in northern Iraq is being backed up by hundreds of British volunteers unable to get a foothold in Britain’s spiralling housing or rental market.
Seen as the only option to escape an oppressive annual house price inflation of over 10%, intelligence suggests hundreds of unmortgageable British Muslims have travelled to warzones to eschew oppressive capitalist ‘fair lending’ criteria after IS promised them ‘a nice semi-detached, with on-street parking’.
Home Secretary, Theresa May, plans to bring in legislation to encourage extremist house buyers to buy or rent in Britain instead. She has said she wants to put an end to young men being radicalised by talk of ‘fixer uppers’ in Iraq and urged them rather to look at Foxtons for some terrific deals in London ‘guaranteed by MI6′. Online, rumours of ‘cheap, ex-government flats in Knightsbridge’, artist’s impression images of Kirstie Allsopp ‘beheading’ an unhelpful Estate Agent in Kingston, and ‘all access’ to Right Move have all been circulating around the internet, with government approval.
One young Londoner, who wished his identity to be kept secret, but welcomed the news from the Home office said; ‘Every day hate preachers talk about the average house price being half a million pounds. Sharia law doesn’t make direct reference to first-time buyers, but it can’t be worse than living here in my parent’s back bedroom. I’m 26 for goodness sake!’
The Extremism Task Force has been set up by Prime Minister David Cameron and has already identified Sarah Beeny as a key partner in trying to persuade radical young people to aspire to a modest one-bedroom with a capitalist outlook at a very reasonable price, and great views from every aspect of proper democracy in action.
Mrs May acknowledged the ‘very deadly threat’ posed to the UK by IS militants, but blamed it squarely on inflammatory, aspirational terrorist TV material like ‘D.I.Y. I.S.’, ‘Escape to the Islamic State of Iraq and the Levant’ and ‘Homes under the Hamas’.