‘I must admit they make a refreshing change from all those boring pet videos, which have been flogged to death,’ said Mrs Irene Crudwell, 88, from Bournemouth. ‘In fact, I’d quite like to be beheaded on video myself; surely it must be cheaper than Dignitas – all you need is the air fare. You would get a lasting video for all your loved ones to cherish and worldwide fame to compensate for your boring meaningless life. Besides, I’ve never been to Iraq and I’ve heard it’s lovely this time of the year.’
Within minutes, Mrs Crudwell’s idea had spread like wildfire on social media websites, with attention-seeking wannabes old and young enquiring about how to fall into the hands of IS.
Sensing a gap in the market, cut-throat holiday companies immediately started offering Selfie Execution packages starting at £5,000 and are already fully-booked for the next 5 years.
Customers can choose from beheading, crucifixion or a shot in the head with a guaranteed HD or 3D YouTube video and the choice of accompanying song, with ‘My Way’ already the clear leader.
‘So excited – booked my Selfie Crucifixion package at last!’ tweeted trainee hairdresser Debbie Sassune, who narrowly missed out on becoming a contestant on the most recent series of Big Brother. ‘If that’s what Debbie wants to do, we won’t stand in her way,’ beamed Debbie’s doting parents Mick and Lorna. ‘We all knew she was going to be famous one day and this is a dream come true. Our only fear is if IS is blasted out of existence too soon, so we urge the world to sit back and do nothing for a little while longer.’