Cult of Cthulhu surprised by progress of ice summoning ritual

The ‘Doomsday cult’ worshiping the Elder God Cthulhu have expressed their surprise and delight that so many are participating in their attempt to release their master from his watery prison.

The little known ritual, involving the performer symbolically sacrificing their life by dousing their head in ice water, then naming three souls whose minds they entreat the Great One to consume upon his return, has been performed by thousands of people around the world so far.

A spokesman for the group said “To be honest, when we began the process of calling upon the Ancient one to awaken, devour the world and bring eternal darkness upon us, we thought most people would be against it. We’re thrilled that so many worthless mortals have embraced our call to give themselves and their loved ones to him so that he may awaken and rule all.”

With the majority of well meaning but ultimately doomed souls, attention seeking celebrities and band-wagon jumpers having performed the ritual already, the group have calculated that, assuming the current spread of the stunt continues, Cthulhu should awaken by midday on Sunday, with his unending rule and mass insanity scheduled to begin shortly afterwards.


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Posted: Aug 28th, 2014 by

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