EU to limit the ‘vast emptiness of space’ by 2017

Buoyed by recent success in banning sale or import of all useful vacuum cleaners from September 2014, EU leaders are setting their sights higher from 2017.

Spokesman Lee Spottiswode announced, ‘We need to ensure that any vacuum, including the vast emptiness of Space, cannot have an adverse effect on the environment. We are looking for something that can be measurably managed, ideally fitting within a large bin-bag.’

‘It will be a lot harder in future to conceal a large asteroid or any other potential extinction event likely to increase CO2 emissions on Earth, were outer space to fall within proposed EU guidelines’ he added. ‘Furthermore, any ‘Big Bang’ creating matter from a vacuum will in future have to fall within socially acceptable guidelines. The Bang will be reduced to a ‘pop’ or ‘fwuff’ that can be safely minimised by standard ear-defenders.’

The directive is already being challenged both by the Dyson group and by professional astronomers on the grounds that it ‘sucks’.

Kevin the Swan

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Posted: Aug 29th, 2014 by

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