Cameron raises terror threat level from ‘Boring’ to ‘Arms industry needs sales’

Despite the risk of being sued by Aesop for stealing the plot to ‘The Boy Who Cried Wolf’, the Coalition Government has once more increased alert levels of a risk of attack on the UK. A spokeswoman for the Home Secretary, Theresa May, was keen point out that any connection between this threat and an approaching an election year was ‘purely coincidental’.

Some members of the public have found the whole process strangely reminiscent of ‘…pretty much every time a Government wants to justify going to war’. One déjà vu victim said: ‘It’s odd the things we are supposed to be scared of. The UK sells Weapons of Mass Destruction to the Middle East for decades – all is calm. Saddam Hussein pretends to have some – the shit hits the fan. Strangely enough the murder of one western journalist raises the terror threat to ‘We’llAllGoingToDie!’, yet the death of 2,000 Palestinians barely raises a blip’.

The Home Office admitted that the terror threat level had been raised in response to our previous ‘screwball antics in Iraq’. Having invaded the region a dozen times in the last hundred years, the UK’s caped crusader routine – is less cape more crusader. In a Downing Street press conference on Friday, a spokesman for the prime minister said Islamic State is a ‘greater threat than we have known before…or they will be the moment, when we start meddling with them.’

In a chicken and egg conundrum, raising terror threat levels due to our previous inept interventions raises the question – why do we keep invading Iraq? A spokesman for David Cameron defended his position: ‘Obviously cynical journalist would point to the black, liquid spouting from the ground as casus belli. But that’s unfair. Mr Cameron has endorsed over £10bn of weapons to the region in the last few years – which is far more profitable. Which is why we would like to raise the investment opportunity in the arms industry from to ‘filthy rich’ to ‘George Osborne rich’.

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Posted: Sep 1st, 2014 by

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