In the recording, made at a private donor dinner for Uppity supporters, the wealthy top hat-wearing aristocrat is shown describing 47% of Mr Men and Little Misses as ‘scroungers’ who would ‘only ever’ vote for his opponent.
‘I’ll never convince them that they should take personal responsibility for their lives,’ Mr Uppity is shown as saying. ‘They’re just a bunch of greedy, lazy, messy, fussy, noisy, clumsy scroungers,’ he goes on. ‘They’d vote for that grinning yellow dunderhead whatever I say to them, the multicoloured plebeians.’
There was particular anger at Mr Uppity’s allegations that nearly half of his Misterland compatriots were ‘dependent on the government’ and expected something for nothing. ‘Just look at Mr Lazy,’ he said callously. ‘That dozy pink bastard has never done a day’s work in his life, so he just lives off the tax paid by hardworking people like me or my good friend Mr Busy. It’s a fucking outrage.’
Mr Uppity’s campaign has so far focused on Mr Happy’s perceived shortcomings as a leader. ‘He just stood there chuckling to himself while the economy slipped into recession,’ said spokesman Mr Forgetful. ‘Who’s going to bail us out this time? The rich? No, really, I’ve forgotten. Is it Little Miss Splendid? I know it’s not Mr Uppity, anyway, he only pays 0.8% tax.’
The Happy campaign was quick to capitalise on the gaffe. ‘It’s just another example of the nasty side of Mr Uppity,’ said Vice-President Mr Clever. ‘He’s completely out of touch with ordinary people. And I think we all know that some of his key supporters have some very unsavoury views about colour,’ he added, referring to allegations that Mr Uppity’s campaign has received donations from a blue supremacist group.
The incident caps a bad month for the Uppity campaign. His choice of Mr Mean as running mate is proving controversial, while his poll ratings have slipped nationally and in several key battleground states, although he is still ahead in Nonsenseland by a considerable margin.