Wonga has said that it wouldn’t touch itself with a fucking barge pole, despite recently announcing that its profits have plummeted by more than half.
‘It’s obvious that we’re in financial trouble and, yes, the vultures are starting to circle.’ explained acting Chief Executive, Tim Weller. ‘In fact, we’ve been approached by ourselves several times already, but there’s no way we’re falling for any of our bullshit.’
‘It can be tempting when one has fallen on hard times, to resort to the kind of quick, simple and staggeringly unaffordable short-term solutions that lenders like us provide, but we’re well aware that, in six months, we’d be ruined.’ he continued.
‘Although, our Victim Acquisitions department have pointed out the very attractive possibility of making millions out of fucking ourselves over, given our desperate position.’ he added.