Protesters from all over the globe are converging on Microsoft offices, computer repair shops and internet cafes to state the case for Windows 9. ‘It’s a pro-life issue,’ said one protester. ‘It may be malformed, prone to crashing, buggy and utterly useless,’ said another, ‘but look at the gene pool,’ he added. ‘I’ll have a gap on my shelf,’ said a middle-aged man sporting an anorak. ‘It’s not like there’s anything I can slip in between my licensed version of Windows 8 and Windows 10. I’ve got an unbroken line of Apple OS releases, some in their original packaging, unopened, real collectors’ items,’ he said, clearly emotional.
‘We have a right to complain about it before it’s superseded,’ argued another protester. ‘I mean, they could have gone straight to release version 2, then scrapped it. Everyone would have been happy but this just leaves us in limbo, bereft.’ Microsoft has confirmed that counselling will be available to anyone who needs it. Predictably the helpline website set up for victims of Windows 9 non-release crashed within minutes, as all good helpline websites should.