The Duke of York may cease to exist unless the public becomes specifically aware of him, it has emerged. Once second in line to the throne, there’s now ‘more chance of Nick Griffin converting to Islam’ than of King Andrew, say Ladbrokes. Prince Andrew is now fifth in the line of succession behind Charles, William, Sting and the disembodied brain of Diana, hooked up to an iPhone 5s.
Scientists from the palace are proposing a special appeal tacked on to the end of the Queen’s Speech but before the Doctor Who Christmas special, where James Corden will ask the country if they have a vague awareness of the duke, and if so to clap their hands. If successful, the technology could be commercialised and used to save other alleged entities such as Harry Enfield.
A recent poll conducted by BBC Look East found that only 17% of people wandering around a Saturday market had even the most abstract concepts of what a Prince Andrew was. “Is he the one that flies helicopters?” asked one man before his wife interjected: “No Darren, that’s Willingham. Andrew’s the one what absinthated ”.
Street dating show ‘Snog, Marry, Avoid’ also polled all Liverpudlians last year when the Prince appeared on the programme for a gothic makeover and found that most people assumed it was a trick question and the photo was CGI, and that of a worrisome yet doting father from a Disney cartoon.