Financially stricken Premier League teams have announced today that from August 2015 all football match production is to be outsourced to India. ‘The move will mean we will be able to hold season ticket prices,’ said a spokesman. ‘Admittedly fans will have to travel to the sub-continent to actually watch the matches, but the brands will be the same and that is what really matters.’
Moreover, there will still be the usual fights between managers, dodgy refereeing decisions at crucial moments, players refusing to honour their contracts, group sex with gullible teenage girls and letting off fireworks in minicabs. Roy Keane has agreed to continue playing the role of league psychopath and, for the first time, there will be a storyline involving a gay midfielder who is prevented from coming out by overly officious application of the offside rule.