Nigeria’s infamous militant chaperone service Boko Haram has caused an international outcry by ignoring all the norms of matchmaking etiquette by attacking villages, abducting the female populace and refusing to participate in three to eight minutes of awkward small talk.
‘In many respects, it’s ideal for us,’ said a spokesman. ‘It’s time-efficient, there’s no need for introductions and we can get right down to the business of dumping the lady in a sack. Nothing says fun-loving guy like a fundamental hatred of Western civilisation.’
However, many women have been left unimpressed. One complained: ‘Don’t get me wrong, I like a man to be decisive but I didn’t even get to ask him about his hobbies. I’m posting this on Twitter #GetYourOwnWomen as soon as I get out of this sack.’