UK troops leave Afghanistan never to return, probably

British troops, whose moto is ‘I’ll be back!, temporarily handed back control to the Afghan security forces. With all the commitment to withdrawal of a Catholic priest or a boomerang, one trooper said this was not ‘goodbye’ merely ‘au revoir’. Thus the union flag was lowered at Camp Bastion and ceremoniously packed away, until it is required to be raised again at Camp Bastion by the next US President.

One field commander gave a moving speech: ‘Today we are proud to announce another successful military campaign in Asia, like…um…like…er…you know…the other one, with spears. I can confidently say, mission accomplished…if by mission, you mean mess. We have well and truly messed up this region. A mess that future generations will work hard to resolve, until we invade again’.

A Foreign Office spokesman: ‘Your basic Afghan struggles to retain the facts of geo-political warfare. By introducing a rote based learning system, we hope to instil in the tribesman of Afghanistan their place in the world order. The repetition of military conflict will make them realise they are supposed to lose when confronted with a vastly over-powered opponent; rather than sticking to their current naïve strategy, of always winning’.

Meanwhile Prime Minister David Cameron said Britain would ‘never forget’ those 453 who had died serving their country; although he was little bit fuzzy on recalling those who had died in the Anglo-Afghan Wars of 1839–42, 1878–80 & 1919. He did however say that his friends in the arms industry were very grateful for the £19bn spent during the campaign; stressing how much they look forward to repeat business.

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Posted: Oct 28th, 2014 by

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