Law of Averages to be repealed

'That's just mean,' say commentators

The government has denied that it has run out of sensible policy ideas after announcing that it is to use parliamentary time before the next election to repeal the Law of Averages.

“It’s not even a proper law,” said Prime Minister David Cameron, pointing out the average value of the deficit can vary depending on whether the person quoting the number is using the mean, modal or median value. “Obviously George would like to keep his options open but we’re really getting stuck for things to do in Parliament while we wait for the next election,” continued the PM today adding “plus he makes the numbers up anyway”.

Critics have questioned whether repealing this law is appropriate. “It still seems to have some purpose,” said one critic while suggesting that the law of sod would be a better target for Parliamentary time. Nick Clegg, the Deputy Prime Minister agrees. “I feel I’ve had more than my fair share of that legislation,” he said casting a knowing glace at his colleague Vince Cable.

“This has been tried before, in the Sixties, when they tried to repeal Murphy’s Law,” said a legal historian, “and that kicked off a shit load of pain in Northern Island for years,” he reminded a press conference today. MPs commenting on the attempt to repeal the Law of Averages said that the odds of it happening were stacked against it happening. “If it’s fifty-fifty I’ll be surprised,” said one MP.


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Posted: Nov 8th, 2014 by

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