Thousands of Facebook users have found themselves running ‘seriously low’ on fresh inspirational quotes to share with their friends of late, the social network giant has announced today. Quotations from the likes of Socrates, Edgar Allan Poe and Winston Churchill have reportedly had their profundity ‘watered down’ by ‘excessive sharing’, forcing Facebook users to turn to the musings of more contemporary wordsmiths, like Harry Styles or Dappy from N-Dubz.
‘I just wish Plato would have said more stuff’, frustrated Facebook user Paul Donaldson, who has not blindly shared an ancient philosophical observation for nearly two days. ‘I suppose he wasn’t to know that millions of people would one day be sharing his words on computers – he was just a cartoon dog after all’.
Facebook’s head researcher for the UK, Chris Stone, said: ‘Unshared quotes are becoming dangerously scarce. Our research indicates that there is now only one Shakespeare quote remaining that is yet to lose its original meaning on Facebook, but that’s just: “A fusty nut with no kernel’. It’s clearly far too obscure for 2013 Britain, but I suspect somebody will eventually slap it on a pixelated flowery placard and share the shit out of it’.
Added Stone: ‘When a timeless quote from the likes of Lord Byron or Wordsworth is shared by Gemma from Telford to express her love at the moment a stranger in Wetherspoon’s bought her a tequila slammer before nonchalantly leaving, it somehow becomes less enlightened and insightful.’
However, not all is lost, according to Professor James Watkins of Sheffield University, who argues that finding fresh quotes to circulate and impress friends with is not that difficult, given that people today are much less impressed by the deeper meaning of the quote itself than the format in which it’s presented’.
‘Take this Joey Essex quote, as an example,’ Watkins said. ‘”If you get a waxwork done, that’s how you know you made it”. Of course it’s void of anything even remotely profound and is essentially a load of bollocks, but throw an inverted comma on each end, make it bold and italic, and it somehow gains a deeper meaning and purpose’