The highly contagious Ebola virus has issued a statement today announcing that it will stop causing pain and suffering throughout West Africa and the rest of the world if Sir Bob Geldof does the same.
‘It’s a fair deal if you ask me, I’m happy to call a truce here’, conceded Ebola after hearing Geldof’s latest effort on the World Service today. ‘I thought I was a global menace, but this guy has raised the bar with that single. How do I top that?’
The unexpected olive branch was offered just 24-hours after the singer-songwriter released his latest star-studded assault on the poverty-stricken continent, which has endured several attacks from the Irishman over the last three decades.
He is a worthy adversary, I’ll give him that’, continued the savage and unrelenting virus. ‘One Direction AND Olly Murs? Now that’s just cruel. There is an element of professional respect here, I have to admit. I thought I was good at emptying a room and making your ears bleed, but this guy takes it to a new level’.