Susan Bradshaw, 23, was today hailed as a modern day hero by Women’s Rights groups around the world. After entering the ‘Dog and Duck’ in Barking, East London, she sat quietly at the bar and proceeded to peel and eat a banana. Susan managed to eat the fruit and leave the bar without blushing, or trying to hide behind a magazine.
Susan explained ‘It’s ridiculous really, if it had been an apple, no-one would care. I happen to be keen on bananas, and I’m fed up with only being able to eat them in private.’
The entirely male clientele were stunned. Baz, 19, was in the pub at the time: ‘I didn’t know where to look to be honest; none of the lads could believe it – She just walked in, pulled it from her bag and put her lips around it. We couldn’t concentrate on the game after that.’ Baz explained that it wasn’t until Susan had left the pub that everyone began talking about it. ‘My mate Steve said he’d bring a cucumber and a couple of plums next time, and Dave said he’d try and get his hands on a nice pear. Baz struggled to think of any more fruit based innuendos at the time, but said had told his mates anyway that ‘she seemed right up for it.’
Susan says that that it’s only through this sort of action that you manage to break down unacceptable sexual stereo-types. Her success with the banana has given her new ideas: ‘I’m intending to buy a couple of watermelons in the local grocers as my next stunt. I’ll be watching the grocer’s reaction very carefully when I ask him if he’d mind checking whether my melons are ripe.’ Susan says that after that, she plans to purchase two large brass door knockers at B&Q; she says she’ll test the staff by asking for her new knockers to be polished before going on to say that she needs a new knob.’
30th November 2008