Nigel Farage fears ‘rivers of congestion’

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Alluding to Enoch Powell’s prophetic warning in 1968, the UKIP leader claimed that Britain’s waterways will soon be clogged up with east Europeans on barge holidays. Speaking to supporters, Mr. Farage reportedly referred to ‘the River Tiber foaming with much blood, shopping trollies and regattas of benefit tourists’.

Likewise he spoke of his concern that all the first-class seats on public transport were now reserved for ‘single mothers from Albania’.

Having had his commute to Wales delayed by tens of thousands of illegal immigrants driving caravan-towing 4x4s on the M4, Mr. Farage said travel was impossible while we remained part of the EU and insisted on driving on both sides of the road simultaneously. A spokesman complained: ‘Migrant worker are delaying traffic by using the fast lane to breast feed their dozens of children. Mr. Farage cannot move for johnny foreigner and his lactating breasts’.

Like a Mayan Calendar suffering from déjà vu, UK politicians having been unsuccessfully predicting the end of civilisation at the hands of the poor since the dawn of The Daily Mail. Speaking to the BBC’s Sunday Politics Wales, Mr Farage said the population had gone ‘through the roof’, mainly due to magpies and gypsies nesting in his loft.

The spokesman went on to say: ‘Britain’s motorways are at a standstill due to migrants breeding beside the roads and then running out into traffic. Yes, they can be cute with their floppy ears and penchant for carrots but they are a menace. These vermin must be eradicated…they…they…oh, hold on…I think we might be talking about rabbits’.

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Posted: Dec 9th, 2014 by

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