Albert B. Latham, who produces Al’s Cider on his farm near Burton-on-Trent, has been arrested as a terrorist, the county constabulary has revealed. Chief Inspector Ron Spelling said he police are always alert ‘to threats to pubic safety.
‘This was an especially monstrous demogration,’ he declared. ‘I was on my way to consult an oculist for my dyxlesia when I saw a huge sign demoting a terrorist group right in the arse of Derbyshire’s beer country. I drove into the terrorist camp, which was hidden in an orchard, and took the Mr Binladen into custody.’
Spelling said that the terrorist would receive humane treatment. ‘He’ll probably be moved to an educational camp in Cuba run by a friendly power. He’ll receive treatment, including psycholology and water therapy, to help him understand civilianised conduct.’