There are growing fears that employees at the offices of Swinton Insurance in Ipswich may have to return to the office after their work Christmas lunch failed to overrun into late afternoon. Many workers are angry that they have not been able to insult those they secretly despise or tell the woman in accounts they have secretly fancied her all year.
‘This is redlegless, wreckledess,’ said James Callahan. ‘I’m not getting laid, sorry paid, for being here, and I’ve had to play for the bloody meal too. It says it is only half-two now which is a parrotly too early doors for us to knock one off early, I mean knock off.’
Geoff Daniels, Callahan’s boss, said he was just as confused. ‘If it was 3.45 I could write the rest of the day off as a ‘Team Event’ but it’s barely past lunchtime and they’ve already served us. John! Put those back on, pleeeasse…’