UK deafness epidemic ‘may last up to 122 days’

An outbreak of deafness affecting four million people in the UK could last as long as 122 days, says NHS England. ‘We don’t expect any improvement until May 8th,’ a NHS spokeswoman said.

A&E units across the country yesterday experienced an unprecedented surge in people reporting hard of hearing conditions and complete deafness. The problem is believed to have been triggered by Labour leader Ed Miliband’s announcement that the party would hold four million conversations with voters between now and the general election on May 7th.

‘The NHS will be unable to cope with an anticipated 32,727 newly deaf patients a day,’ the spokeswoman warned. Six English hospitals have already been forced to make ‘major incident’ declarations with many others under extreme strain.

Meanwhile Chancellor George Osborne yesterday published an 82 page dossier claiming that Labour had promised £20.7 billion of unfunded extra spending. Asked to comment on the Conservative’s claim, Shadow Chancellor Ed Balls said; ‘Eh? Say again.’

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Posted: Jan 6th, 2015 by

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