Recent amendments to the civil partnership laws have resulted in Britain’s first ever legal marriage between a man and his computer. Steve Wibburn, 27, from Brighton yesterday married his Hewlett Packard Pavilion (Media Centre Edition) desktop computer and has opted to take the name of his PC.
‘We’ve been together for just over a year now, but even from the earliest moment I knew I’d finally found complete happiness. I just didn’t want to be with anyone or anything else for the rest of my life,’ said Wibburn. ‘She entertains me, she keeps me well-informed, we listen to our favourite music together,’ he added, ‘and as for the sex, well it’s constant. I could never turn on a woman as easily as I turn on my computer.’ Mr Wibburn says their only argument was when he became jealous of a technician tweaking one of her USB ports but the couple have apparently put that behind them and are hoping to have a little laptop together.
Wibburn’s friends suspected that Steve must be in love, when they realised that they were seeing less and less of him. He had given up tennis club, his evening classes, and his trips to the local library, so they knew something special must have come into his life. He claims he still ventures out of his room for trips to PC World to buy little trinkets and add-on’s for his new partner and it’s always with a look of joy that he hands his purchases to the cashier and says, “She’s just going to love this.”
Steve’s friends did point out that one day, like all computers, Mr Wibburn’s Pavilion may become a bit erratic and slow down and start losing things. However Steve is adamant that that he won’t let that come between them. ‘Well that’s going to happen to me too, so hopefully we can grow old together with lots of happy memories,’ said Steve glancing at a brand new Sony Vaio that was a guest at the reception.