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Elevator company launches new lift which arrives quicker the more you press the button

The Otis Elevator Company have announced the introduction of radical new technology in their latest range of lifts which actually increases the response time of the lift the more you press the call button. Following extensive consumer research, the company identified a niche in the market as elevators across the world were reported to be completely ignoring repetitive hole pressing.

The new technology, called Pronto, uses a patented ‘impatience accelerator engine’ to increase the speed of the lift depending on how hard and how often the call button is pushed. It also has a built in voice recognition facility which responds to the phrases ‘Come on, come on!’ and ‘For God’s sake!’

The new smart lifts can also recognize the fingerprint of people who are not welcome at the building, and will repeatedly offer them lifts going in the opposite direction to the one requested, or will sometimes just close the lift doors and then open them again on the same floor.

‘We want to take lift technology to the next level’ said the inventor of the Pronto software. ‘We are bored with just installing security cameras and then watching footage of people squeezing their blackheads in the lift mirrors.’

The technology is also being adapted for Pedestrian Light-Controlled Crossings, where a camera will monitor approaching cars, and will only turn the lights red if the pedestrians have already crossed during a gap in the traffic.

See also Elevator fantasy celebrates fifteenth anniversary of remaining unfulfilled

mattdaniels (with thanks to Des Custard)

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Posted: Jan 8th, 2015 by mattdaniels

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