In an unprecedented display of unity, footballers from all across the UK have come together in London to demonstrate their revulsion against the terror attacks by opponents of rape on former Sheffield United footballer Ched Evans. Crowds several thousand strong drove their Bentleys slowly around London in protest last night, while dozens more sympathisers changed their Facebook profile photo to declare ‘Je suis Ched’.
‘It’s made us all realise how vulnerable we are – it could be any of us next,’ said an emotional Marlon King, Evans’ former Sheffield United team mate. ‘What kind of world is it where rich footballers can’t commit sexual assault and still expect crowds to pay large amounts of money to cheer them every week?’
Sporting his distinctive ‘Je Suis Ched’ badge, Gordon Taylor led a march to Lancaster House, saying ‘We are all Ched Evans. It’s like Anne Frank, or the victims of 9/11 or perhaps all of the heroes we are remembering who died in the First World War. Sorry, I’ve just been told to apologise for all of those comparisons…’
With Mark Lawrenson saying Ched Evans may be a victim and Mark Hughes showing sympathy to his cause, the FA has announced that English football’s official stance is now that the woman Evans was convicted of raping should be jailed.
‘It is clear that the view from many amateur lawyers within football is that the legal system in this country got it wrong’ a spokesman from the FA said. ‘After reading the biased case summary on Ched’s website, our board of 11 men and one woman (The first in the organisation’s history) have decided to bring the debate full circle and insist the woman involved is jailed for daring to be raped by a footballer.’
‘Poor Ched hasn’t been able to represent a club since being released and his life as a footballer has become so bad he can’t even get a sponsor for his tag on his ankle. There is clearly only one victim in this case of a footballer cheating on his girlfriend and having sex with a woman without her consent. That is why we are all saying ‘Je Suis Ched’. What does that mean by the way? I don’t actually speak Spanish.’
Oxbridge, James Pluside & Cinnahmon