Boko Haram criticises ‘excessive’ GCSE coursework

just the first step...

Boko Haram, the Islamist movement opposed to Western education, has joined forces with Mumsnet to criticise GCSE coursework requirements. Abubakar Shekau, leader of Boko Haram, took part in an online debate yesterday where he slated Department of Education guidelines and called for a boycott of GCSE coursework in non-core subjects, as well as the establishment of a global caliphate and the wholesale slaughter of infidels.

JennyBabe: Some of these kids are doing upwards of 10 hours a week after school. And it’s parents who have to pick up the strain.

Abubakar Shekau: I agree. We think a girl’s place is in bed with a soldier, or cooking, not studying oxbow lakes. What is this obsession with oxbow lakes? We will bomb any school issuing more than 5 hours GCSE coursework and will maim any teacher who mentions oxbow bloody lakes again

JennyBabe:Well, I’m not really in favour of bombing and maiming. I think you should try having a word with the head of year first

Abubakar Shekau : Boko Haram does not ‘have a word’ with heads of year. Unless that word is ‘Die, Infidel’. Technically two words, sorry about that.

HotStuff : I’m with Abubakar on this one. The geography homework our Alison brings home is ridiculous. I know exactly what you mean about oxbow lakes. Ooh, it makes me cross. Do you have a Worcester branch?

StokeGirl : Have you tried using a timer? We limit homework to 90 minutes max, and always ensure the kids have a vegetarian snack midway through.

Abubakar Shekau : Boko Haram does not provide snacks or timers. We kill, and bomb, and use terror as a weapon against infidel Western philosophies. Vegetarian is ok, though. At least it’s halal.

StokeGirl: It was only £3.99 from Asda. Works a treat.

Abubakar Shekau: £3.99, eh? Would they do a discount for bulk? We have many, many girls here. Does that include VAT? To HotStuff – no, regrettably Boko Haram does not yet have a branch in Worcester.

A Department for Education spokesman said that GCSE coursework was ‘an article of faith’ in the Department, although the establishment of an Islamic Caliphate was ‘under review’. Nicky Morgan, Secretary of State for Education praised Boko Haram for ‘…training young people to know their place in the world. This is exactly what the Coalition’s Education policy is all about. Hours of unpaid extra work after school is such a good preparation for life in modern Britain’.

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Posted: Jan 17th, 2015 by

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