An increase in the number of countries who allow female service people to take combat roles in battle could lead to women-only battles and even all-girl wars, say some military analysts. Meanwhile women worldwide have demanded the equal right to fight each other to the death in a military conflict, leaving male chauvinist critics to make lame jokes about where they will put their handbags while handling surface to air weapons, and whether they will take slightly longer to get battle-ready than their male counterparts.
‘It’s well known that women are equal to men in terms of strategic thinking, aggression, multitasking and organisation. They have proved themselves time and again as pilots, drivers and deadly accurate users of sidearms. Why not put these qualities to the test by allowing women on opposite sides of a military conflict to try and kill each other with brutal and bloody single mindedness?’ asked Brigadier Jeanette Smythe, one of the highest ranking female officers in the British Army.
‘We have seen women rise in the spheres of the Church, police and football, with justifiably extensive coverage on television and little let-up in violence,’ Brigadier Smythe told a NATO conference. Women could easily be of lethal service to the SAS and other elite fighting units, taking on operational roles which bring them face to face with the vile and unprincipled enemy women of the same calibre, while maintaining a gender neutral tea-making rota back in the mess. Women only battles will, I predict, be just as effective in terms of blood and bodybags as all-male conflict, or mixed conflict, which often leads to arguments in the ranks.’
Brigadier Smythe has already organised so called ‘friendly’ female only battles with countries round the world, and has encouraged women, when they leave the service, to achieve parity with men when it comes to homelessness, disfunction, petty crime and substance abuse.
‘This will be a win-win situation for everyone, she concluded, although she criticised the phrase ‘woman in combat’ being jokily shortened to ‘wombat’