Sir John Chilcot has written to David Cameron to confirm that the findings of his inquiry into the Iraq war will not be published until at least after this year’s Wimbledon. In the letter Chilcot stated that publication of the report was taking longer than expected due to ‘Christmas and all that’, then the looming prospect of a skiing holiday in Klosters.
‘After that,’ the letter continued, ‘I’ve agreed to help my grandson with the ‘doer-upper’ he’s bought in Cornwall and then of course Wimbledon will be here before we know it. Looking forward to seeing you in the royal box then. Unless the election has gone wrong – I definitely shan’t sit next to that ghastly Farage. Love to the fragrant Samantha. Pip pip, JC x’.