Page 3 to feature extracts from Chilcot inquiry

Actually, string 'em up says Rupert, 83

In a surprise U-turn, The Sun has renewed its commitment to publishing salacious images that may cause offence to decent people everywhere, including Tony Blair and George W. Bush in a series of compromising positions with Weapons of Mass Destruction. Editor David Dinsmore explained: ‘Figuratively speaking Blair and Bush were the biggest pair of tits we could find. And there are plenty more breast-related puns where that one came from, oh yes. Just keep counting.’

Several media outlets were premature in reporting demise of Page 3 after The Sun briefly experimented with publishing words as well as pictures on it. Now, many believe, printing the text of the Chilcot Inquiry on Page 3 over the course of the coming year could prove to be more controversial than the semi-naked torsos. One diplomat commented: ‘British Intelligence with their pants down may not have the phwoar factor, but it will certainly be seen as a booby trap. Two.’

Many fear that the delay in releasing the Chilcot Report into the 2003 Iraq War was due to concerns that people would objectify Tony Blair. A spokesman for the ex-Prime Minister said: ‘Mr Blair is more than just a tremendous boob. He needs to be respected as a person and a former leader of his country, not just seen as someone suffering from mammary lapse. Three – no, four, actually. Wooo.’

MPs from all parties have demanded immediate access to Tony Blair’s ‘baby pillows’. A spokesman for the Deputy Prime Minister Nick Clegg said: ‘In the interests of transparency it’s only right we get a look at the good stuff. Sir John Chilcot can’t just keep all those lovely apple dumplings to himself. Do either of those count? AND the puns, ahahahahaha.’

Campaigners against topless photos of women on Page 3 have condemned the decision, saying that this may be even worse than what went before. One said: ‘Featuring Tony Blair is explicit enough in a tabloid paper, but we draw the line at Bush.’

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Posted: Jan 23rd, 2015 by

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