Millions of UK employees are already talking up the possibility of leaving work early, as a substantial blizzard is forecast to hit the US north-east coast later today.
Drivers, office staff and labourers have entered into negotiations with bosses, citing implausible interpretations of hitherto derided EU health and safety legislation. “It took eight hours to get home last time there was a frost,” declared Jessica Watts, a Systems Thinker from Norwich. “They can’t make you stay unless it’s over 40 degrees, it’s against the laws!” she shouted from atop the photocopier, to a moderately unpredictable crowd from the HR and IT departments.
“I was trapped inside my van under a meter of ice during ‘The Great Storm of 1987’ with only soup and a copy of the Daily Sport to sustain me,” said Geoff Simmons, office supplies delivery man. “Best night of my life.”