Eton declared ‘inadequate’ for producing mediocre politicians

'Just enough is not good enough'

The National Union of Teachers has called for Eton College to be placed in ‘special measures’ as soon as possible because the elitist educational establishment has continued to produce students who have gone on to become substandard politicians.

The situation has become critical in the last four and a half years as a few of its alumni have succeeded to the highest offices in the country despite their obvious mediocrity.

‘Despite the huge wealth and privilege that allowed David Cameron, Oliver Letwin, Ed Llewellyn, Rupert Harrison and Boris and Jo Johnson to attend Eton, the school has manifestly failed in its primary objective of educating its pupils to enter the real world,’ said a NUT spokesperson. ‘They’ve all shown a shocking level of inability when asked to demonstrate their political acumen and qualification to govern.’

Some observers have suggested that the electorate of the UK are quite likely to declare an all out war on this piss-poor demonstration of government in the General Election on May 7th. St Paul’s School, London, has also come under fire after a voter in Barnsley commented; ‘The public just won’t put up with this ‘bog standard’, ‘this’ll do’ mentality to running the country. George Osborne obviously didn’t learn his times tables there at all; despite what they say, it’s no wonder the economy’s in such a mess!’

It has been suggested that the Head of Eton be sacked immediately just for not beating the ‘breathtaking’ arrogance out of David Cameron whilst he had the chance. The school would be placed in special measures and share the services of the Head Teacher of nearby Slough Central Technical Academy, Mr. Rajah Patel, who would be able to bring a sense of reality to those that graduate from Eton.


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Posted: Feb 2nd, 2015 by

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