Home Secretary Theresa May has proscribed GP receptionists as a designated terrorist organisation. The deeply loathed group, along with nightclub bouncers and PPI cold callers, was added to the approved list under the Terrorism Act earlier today.
The designation was justified due to the specific threat of patients being ‘spoken to like massive idiots’. Furthermore, she stated that their ‘deeply intimidating telephone manner creates a serious risk to the mental health of the public’.
In the fight against waiting room terror attacks, receptionists are now attending rehabilitation centres to be educated on basic virtues like politeness, empathy and tolerance. Some Bradford GPs, however, ticked the wrong box when submitting staff applications to attend these courses. As a result, there are currently over 750 members of administration staff at jihadist training camps in Syria.