David Cameron ran off the House of Commons playground in floods of tears at Prime Minister’s playtime yesterday. It is alleged that Ed Miliband was overheard taunting Mr Cameron, saying he was ‘dodgy, posh and probably had fleas.’
According to one telltale-tit source, Mr Cameron burst into tears and ran off. Michael Gove, who Mr Cameron had been playing with, shouted, ‘I’m telling on you to the Speaker, and darted off. He was later found to have locked himself in the toilets.
The Speaker was seen speaking to Samantha Cameron, when she came to pick Mr Cameron up at home time. Friends of Mr Cameron say that she has told him, ‘not to play with those rough boys’, but to play with his ‘nice little friends’, or Nick Clegg ‘if they weren’t around.’
The Speaker is also understood to have had words with George Osborne, who told Mr Miliband that he would tell Lord Fink, ‘one of the big boys from the House of Lords’, what he had said and that he would be waiting for him at home time.
Mr Miliband was collected at home time by Ed Balls’ wife Yvonne Cooper, as he was going to ‘have his tea with Ed.’ Friends of Mr Miliband claim Lord Fink says Mr Miliband only went home with Mr Balls as he was scared and has challenged him to meet him at the bike sheds today. Tristram Hunt, who likes to sit next to Mr Miliband, has said Mr Miliband denies being ‘a cowardly custard.’