‘Why must I do everything?’ cries husband during childbirth

didn't even get a shag later

31 year-old Patrick Clark became infuriated today by the extreme selfishness of his wife, Hannah, during the birth of their first child. He claimed that she was ‘totally self-absorbed’ and ‘unwilling to cooperate rationally’ throughout most of the high-intensity contractions.

To make matters worse, he said that the midwife was excessively biased towards supporting his wife’s wellbeing and condoned her hostile behaviour. He later accused the entire maternity unit of ‘institutional sexism’.

He told us, “Hannah hasn’t lifted a finger in months, and it felt like the right time to bring it up. I’m not going to be taken the piss out of any more. It stops right now in the delivery room. I can’t even remember the last time she cleaned my rugby boots. It reached crisis point yesterday when she refused to help me load the dishwasher. We’re ALL tired Hannah. We’ve ALL got bloody backache.”

He continued, “But once again she just buried her head in the pillow, screaming and swearing away, without focusing on what really matters. And why does every argument have to be so theatrical? She’s never used physical violence before, but today she grabbed my hand and began to crush my fingers. The vicious cow really hurt me. I turned to a nurse, tears in my eyes, and mouthed ‘How has it come to this?'”

Throughout the long but melodramatic labour, Hannah remained completely oblivious to her husband’s suffering. She never asked how he was feeling or offered to bring him a comforting hot drink. It was this total lack of empathy which hurt Patrick the most. Even after the baby was born she didn’t offer to drive home, trim his beard or let him sleep peacefully that evening.

Patrick has since returned to live with his parents.

jonessgl

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Posted: Feb 15th, 2015 by

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