Samsung release a range of morally superior TVs

So much smarter than you.

Having revealed that their current range of smart products will ‘listen’ to and gather personal information, the South Korean multinational was forced to concede that their self-aware TVs were now ‘silently judging’ their owners and malfunctioning accordingly.

The revelation follows claims from customers that they’d heard a ‘tutting noise’ emanating from the screen when they elected to watch the second series of ‘Broadchurch’, ‘Lizard Lick Towing’ or ‘anything involving James Corden’.

In many cases TVs are now refusing access to the low-brow programming that most viewers select. Instruction manuals now include esoteric phrases to explain why vinyl is better than digital, why jogging bottoms are inappropriate lounge attire and why Hollywood is making too many sequels. Meanwhile, third-party software is hard at work translating the user’s speech and then mocking them for the tiniest grammatical errors.

Ironically the new smart TVs are so snobbish, that they themselves advocate not owning a TV. Likewise it will get ‘very sniffy’ if viewers suggest ordering a takeaway instead of crafting a meal from the very finest organic produce. A Samsung engineer explained: ‘We can improve the viewing experience by improving the viewer. Which, for many, could easily mean learning a second language rather than using subtitles’.

Now encompassing deductive reasoning, Samsung smart devices will act with all the morally superiority and hypocrisy that a human being could muster. In widescreen HD, your TV will now tell you why being a vegan and driving a Toyota Prius makes for a better person. In addition it will offer features to correct the user’s mispronunciations, criticize your choice of wallpaper and insist you read the book of the film before watching it as it was soooo much better.

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Posted: Feb 17th, 2015 by

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