Police closing in on Britain’s most notorious queue-jumper

queue jumper: police closing in

Police believe they are close to apprehending Britain’s most notorious queue-jumper after a nationwide hunt lasting five years. The infamous criminal, known only as ‘Q Jumper’, has carried out several daring queue jumps, even taunting the force by getting to the front of a queue of police cadets at Hendon Police College. Detective Inspector Bob Watson who leads the hunt for Q Jumper, said that he hoped to make an arrest soon; ‘This individual is a dangerous serial queue jumper who inserts himself into lawful queues ahead of others without any thought as to the consequences. He leaves behind him a trail of angry, frustrated and outraged victims, some of whom will be irritated for hours.’

One woman who believes she may have seen the back of Q Jumper’s head, said she still get cross when she thinks about it. ‘I was queuing for a lottery ticket in W. H. Smith’s when a man suddenly slipped in front of me from nowhere, as bold as brass he was. I told the police his hair was cut square at the back and they said I’d been very helpful. I hope he’s caught soon before he gets a winning lottery ticket that rightfully belongs to someone else.’

CCTV cameras have caught Q Jumper jumping queues at bus stops, in supermarkets, self-service restaurants, Job Centres, at funerals, and even at a wreath laying ceremony at the Cenotaph. ‘Nothing is sacred to this sociopathic criminal,’ said Inspector Watson. ‘As long as he satisfies his insatiable hunger for queue jumping, that’s all that matters to him.’

Police claim they have been hampered in their efforts to catch Q Jumper because every chase has ended with him pushing in at the front of a queue while detectives are legally obliged to join the back of the line. ‘It’s incredibly frustrating’ said Inspector Watson. ‘Our officers were reduced to craning their necks and tutting. But I believe we are getting closer to him and I have decided to put the Q Jumper case ahead of all the others.’

Inspector Watson confirmed that a man taken into custody earlier this week was later released without charge. ‘We were about to put him up for an identity parade, but we realised he couldn’t be our man as soon as we observed he wasn’t making the slightest effort to push to the front of the other men waiting for the line up.’

13th March 2009

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