Chancellor George Osborne has agreed to invest the nation’s pension schemes on Nevada’s craps tables. By simply cashing out their savings now, those approaching retirement can boost the economy while experiencing the adrenaline of holding twelve in blackjack.
‘Frivolously spending your pension now definitely won’t leave you short in later years, oh no,’ added an Exchequer spokesman. ‘We’ve been underfunding the NHS for decades, so there’s very little chance that you’ll live to get the benefits of a full pension. In fact, if you like those long odds, can I recommend a game of baccarat supervised by the Mafia?’
Confused pensioners will be personally shepherded onto cruise liners by Mr Osborne, with promises of a ‘trip of a lifetime’ provided that their lifetime does not exceed the agreed two-year limit.